It takes a lot to cause me to break ranks with the LGBT community and its allies. Rarely will I do it. I defended the boycotts of Chick-fil-A, I defended the suspension of Phil Robertson, and I defended the resignation of Brendan Eich.
This is a rare exception, a rare situation where I will side with anti-marriage equality conservatives. Openly gay New York City Councilman Daniel Dromm made these comments about a Chick-fil-A opening in New York, which were published in The Huffington Post on April 9:
We don’t need bigots coming to New York City. They are not welcome here unless they can embrace all of New York’s diverse community, including the LGBT community. We don’t need bigoted people even keeping their opinions to themselves. They need to wake up and see reality.I don't have a problem with his use of the word "bigot" and "bigoted". He's right. It might sound harsh for a politician to use that word against ordinary people, but he's right.
But I can't support the part about them being "not welcome here". In a democracy, we must be able to move where we want regardless of our political views. I don't believe that he actually wants Chick-fil-A shut down or thrown out of New York. Rather, I think he's saying that their views are fringe views that are out of touch with mainstream New York, and that Chick-fil-A is out of place in New York. But even if that's how he meant it, saying that they are "not welcome here" is too far. Even if he doesn't want them forced out by the law, it just makes me uncomfortable. Working and doing business is part of life, and we cannot make people's lives difficult over their political views.
If Rick Perry or Mary Fallin said that those who are pro-marriage equality are not welcome in Texas or Oklahoma, I doubt I'd be unfazed. Every one of us needs to accept that there are people who disagree with us over marriage equality and other issues, and that we will have to interact with them. We can't avoid it. We can't cut everyone off just because we disagree with them.
What sets these comments apart from the three examples I listed in the very first paragraph is that this comes from a man in government. The other three were a decision by the public (boycotts of Chick-fil-A), a decision by a private company (suspension of Phil Robertson) and a decision one made for himself (resignation of Brendan Eich). This is also not like Andrew Cuomo saying that "extreme conservatives""have no place in the state of New York." The point there was that far-right Republicans cannot hope to win office in New York, because the political climate won't allow it. Dromm was talking about ordinary citizens. This is a politician writing off every citizen who disagrees with him, telling them that they are "not welcome here". If he spoke face-to-face with an opponent of marriage equality, what would he tell them? Would he really tell them that they are "not welcome here"? If he would, then that makes me really uncomfortable. And if he wouldn't, then he obviously doesn't actually believe it, which is good, but if that's the case, he needs to retract it.
There is, of course, the other part, the part about marriage equality opponents not even being able to keep their opinions to themselves. The implication here is that Dromm cares not just about how you act, but how you think and believe, and that if you don't think like he does, you are not welcome here. This part has NOM crowingabout the "thought police" again, but this time, I won't mock them for it. I don't believe that he actually wants a thought police, but those comments do suggest it. Obviously, it's not possible to interact only with people who think like you do. And while I believe that we are not obliged to be respectful of each other's opinions, we are obliged to be respectful of each other. Only sharing your city with those who think like you do is not respectful of those who think like you don't.
I do find the comments about diversity a little ironic. New York is extremely diverse. It is multicultural, it has a strong presence of LGBT people with straight people, and there is also political diversity. The State Assembly is controlled by Democrats, the State Senate by Republicans. To "embrace all of New York's diverse community", as Dromm calls for, he should also embrace those with whom he disagrees politically, not tell them they are "not welcome here".
My final concern is the effect that this could have on the LGBT rights movement. There is a perception among our opponents, and even some supporters, that we are intolerant. When Brendan Eich resigned, even Bill Maher spoke of a "gay Mafia". Over the past 18 months, we've seen progress with unprecedented momentum. At a time when we should be trying to win people over and become an even stronger movement, we should not be scaring people away by telling them that we write off anyone who disagrees with us. I understand that this is not what we are doing, and that the comments are only that one of councilman. They are not an indication of what the entire movement believes. But if our opponents and those who are undecided see the face of the LGBT rights movement as telling our opponents that they are "not welcome here", then we cannot hope to attract them. We'll only scare them away.
I also do not want to give too much sympathy to the persecution cries of NOM and other opponents of marriage equality. The discomfort they feel right now is nothing compared to the situation of many LGBT people around the country and the world, and they are nowhere near getting a Matthew Shepard or a Justin Aaberg of their own. But for once, I think that they have a right to be aggrieved.
Brian, for the first (and hopefully last) time ever, I am your ally. Daniel Dromm should apologize and retract his comments. It would be for the good of your side, and ours.